Well it's official…

The past two days have been filled with joyous laughter and tears.

After a year and a half of fertility treatments and a roller coster of emotions, the day is finally here. The day we get to tell our friends and family we are expecting.

None of this has gone according to our plans, but as God has shown us throughout our whole marriage, it's not our plans that matter, it's His. 

After trying for so long my emotions just got the better of me… I needed a break. Stephen and I wanted to just take a breather and focus on becoming foster parents (which we still intend to do just in a slightly different way, ill talk about this later) so we did we stop going to all the doctors appointments and just lived our lives. Everyone told me this would happen, it was actually frustrating to constantly hear "oh you can't have kids… just stop trying, it's works every time" now I feel bad, because they were right. 

Im pregnant 

Im thrilled. More then words can describe, but that joy is tainted with worry and fear. We have run into bumps before so it's hard not to let your mind go there. 

We didn't plan to tell anyone but our immediate family and a couple close friends for at least another few weeks, or that's what I thought. But as I'm sure you have seen on Facebook the news is out! My wonderful husband couldn't contain himself. Im not sure if I have ever seen someone so happy. His joy and faith in the Lord takes away all my worries and fears. 

I have never been so happy to feel so sick. Every pregnancy symptom thus far brings me immense joy. Pregnancy is truly a gift from God, and I'm going to soak up every second of it, the good and bad.  

Faith and Frustration

Patience. This is something I'm not very good at. I think the more I ask God to give me patients the more He just gives me opportunities to be patient… 

Stephen and I are ready to be parents. We have been for some time now. 

We have tried having our own child, but for now God has other plans for us. Right now we feel like our focus should be on being the best foster parents we can be. God has been tugging on my heart for some time. It's not until last summer that we actually started the paperwork. 

I have got the impression from many people that we may be a little crazy, Stephen working full time, me being in nursing school, and our friends and family being so far away. But God wants what he wants. I am reminded time and time again that we won't be given anything we can't handle. I have complete faith in Him.

Just because Im a follower of Jesus and do my best to serve Him daily, doesn't mean I'm not going to run into obsticals along the way. And let me tell you Iv run into a LOT of issues. It's mostly been with paperwork and scheduling, to become a foster parent you have to do an insane amount of paperwork! Because we lived in Washington and within the last 5 years the paperwork almost doubled. Childcare has been a whole nother issue. Because I'm in school and not working full time CPS won't cover childcare at all. It's now going to have to come out of our own pockets (I'll address how we will deal with this issue at a later date.)  

The paperwork was turned in almost 2 months ago…we completed the home inspections, fire inspections, paperwork, scheduling work around childcare, finding a babysitter, completing the nursery and making sure it was up to code along with everything else in our home (including babyproffing like you would never believe!) yet we still don't have a baby…. waiting to become a parent takes a lot of patience, wether your having your own child or taking in one of God's own children. 

All that's left is an interview, but for some reason it has been incredibly hard to schedule with the agency… all we can do is wait. 

I think Im being tested. This is yet another situation where God is giving me an opportunity to be patient.  

BUT I have faith in God's perfect timing. As much as I want to be angry with this whole process I know there is a reason behind it, I know that God is in control.  

Faith is not knowing what the future holds, but knowing who holds the future.