That being said, Stephen and I knew we would have issues getting pregnant. This was helpful in our situation, we saw a specialist early and didn't feel rushed, it wasn't until we had been seeing him for almost two years that I really started to feel discouraged. I can remember the emotional roller coaster we found ourselves riding (I can't speak for my husband, but for me this was the hardest part.) Towards the end we had been going in a few times a week almost every week, and many times I would have to make this trip on my own (it would have been a lot to ask for Stephen to take that much time off work.) After I miscarried in November (the day I found out I got into nursing school oddly enough) We decided we needed to take a little break. It was to much for me to handle emotionally. I wanted to focus on becoming a foster mom, something we had been working on for about a year (this is something I addressed in detail in another blog and won't address here) I felt as though being a mom to those in need, even if it was temporary, was something God was calling me to do. Little did I know, the day before we had our last interview I found out I was pregnant… and the roller coaster continued.
I was over the moon when I found out, we hadn't seen our doctor in a little over a month, I had stopped taking my fertility medication and focused on loosing some weight (weight gain was just one of the lovely side effects of the hormone medication I was placed on) I felt like it was to good to be true, and naturally I was scared giving my medical history. Not only that but I know myself, and I know my limitations, I knew I would not be able to handle nursing school, a newborn AND a foster child. So we put fostering on the back burner, for now.
Im not sure how my husband was able to handle all these changes, wife just starting nursing school, emotional and physically preparing to welcome someone else's child into his home, then being told he was going to welcome is own child in eight short months…
I was blessed with a pretty easy pregnancy, I continued to workout, and had very little sickness. Until a couple weeks ago everything felt like a dream, it didn't feel like we were actually going to be parents, that Stephen and I were going to welcome a daughter into this world in 5 short weeks.
Then we hit another bump in to road. I went into "false labor" at 34 weeks, my blood pressure was elevated, but that was attributed to the fact that I was having contractions every 3-4 minutes, I was put on modified bed rest (pretty much just hanging out at the house, feet up, trying to stay relaxed etc.) A week later by blood pressure had risen some more and I was sent back to the hospital for monitoring, I started a 24 hour urine and had some blood work done that monday. The next day I got a call saying I had developed preeclampsia. (if your interested in reading about it… http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/preeclampsia/basics/definition/CON-20031644)
I was put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy and told they would be delivering by daughter in just a little over week.
Talk about a wild ride huh? We now plan to welcome our daughter into this world in four days. My mom has flown in to help us prepare for her arrival and to watch over me while my husband is at work.
There is a lot more to this story, but you get to idea. It doesn't matter how much we try to plan and prepare, God has is own plan for our lives, we just have to remind ourselves that his plan is better then ours.
You can look at someone else's life and judge all you want, give advice and tell them how hard you think it's going to be. But the fact of the matter is, I didn't "choose" to get pregnant, God blessed me with the greatest miracle imaginable, in His time and in His way. This is a grift from Him, and I thank Him daily for the struggles, for when you depend on God continually your whole perspective changes. You see miracles while others see a natural "coincidences." By living in dependence of God, knowing that his plans are far superior to ours, is an intimate adventure, and whats life without a little adventure?
